A Dialogue Between Death and Karma

Death and Karma sat across from one another, sharing a cheese plate in their favorite UK shop, The Cheese Society. Stores came and went – especially in the last couple hundred years – so when they found a place they liked, they’d make it a point to visit as often as possible; a hundred years was nothing to Death and Karma. The shop was quaint – and popular, according to its Google review that Death checked before this particular outing. Death found Google to be an incredible invention – almost as incredible as the wheel.

They liked to blend in every once in a while and food was always a good mixer. The name of the store gave them a sense of belonging, and the cheese was to die for. Death joined the cheese subscription, and happily received his packages when he wasn’t out collecting souls. He got to choose his delivery dates, too – so, win-win. Death stared over his brie at Karma as she sipped her tea and knifed her goat cheese, knowing he never had a shot with her, but always enjoyed the company when a like-minded astral being such as Karma was available for some small plates and conversation.

Death always found discomfort in the size of the tables in most restaurants. The restrictiveness bothered him, especially when he would reflect on existence before time. Everything was just one big open space, he thought to himself as he clanked his knees together, avoiding touching Karma’s knees or feet as she sat across from him. His distaste for tables was in contradiction to his fondness of a cheese plate. Death admired the way humans were so cute in their arrangement of food – making each slice neat and stacked, spreading the crackers as if they were playing cards, putting the knives on the proper side of the plate – it was so made up and so cartoonish to him. The food was to be consumed, all go to the same place, and the knife would cut and spread regardless of what side it was on. However, this presentation mattered to humans. His explanation for this behavior was that humans were aware of their fleeting existence on this tiny planet, and it was best to do as many things with care as possible, even if was arranging water crackers. He smiled, gently picked one up, and added some cheese to it.

“You know,” started Karma, “we really never do this enough. Or do we do this too much? I guess it doesn’t matter.” She had wild eyes. Death looked into Karma’s eyes and saw eternal, unbiased justice. He saw retribution and a tinge of macabre; it excited him.

It was difficult for them to gauge what was too much, or what wasn’t enough, because both beings were in a constant state of maintaining the living world. They were present when catastrophe overtook mortals in the first War of Wars. They collected on the people of Vesuvius – albeit a couple hundred years earlier than anticipated, but that wasn’t their fault. Death and Karma existed as a Bonnie and Clyde before Bonnie and Clyde, although collecting them was an accomplishment to hang on the refrigerator.

Death swirled his cup of tea, staring down and to the right of it at his dirty cheese knife. “I really do enjoy being around someone more my speed.” He continued swirling nervously, “It’s nice to discuss things that only you and I have been around for. It’s just – “

“No,” Karma begrudgingly exhaled, “we are not having this discussion again. You circle like existence on this, you know that right?” She gave him her eyes, except they were the eyes of retribution and unbiased justice and someone very, very tired of having to turn down romantic advances. Death felt sweat, but he didn’t sweat, he was Death. He was experiencing the illusion of sweat. Man this is bad, he thought to himself.

“Yes, this is bad,” Karma projected, “we are essentially the same, you and I. We have set purposes that we have adhered to since the dawn of time and our companionship exists in the way that we keep life moving. You collect the souls, I collect the debts on the souls; the souls are our livelihood.”

By this point, Death ceased his tea fidgeting and anxiously reached for another water cracker and some brie. He was always a stress eater, but at least he took a liking to human food rather than his previous diets of mass extinction. Nothing in the universe concerned Death more than Karma. She was his mirror image, and because of that, he was unable to always keep an understanding of her.

“I understand,” he lamented with lowered eyes and a mouth full of cracker. Death wiped the crumbs from the corners of his mouth with a thumb and forefinger and reached again for his tea, which at this point had gone cold. He took a sip, displeased, and returned the teacup to its saucer. With his right hand, he covered the top of it for a moment. When he removed his hand, the tea was once again hot as if straight from a fresh kettle. Death returned the lip of the cup to his own and carefully drank. “Better,” he said to himself, satisfied.

“What’s gotten into you, anyway?” Karma looked at him with a furrowed brow as she reached for more goat cheese.

“I don’t know – I had a personal call to a stroke victim not too long ago, and he was so concerned about leaving his wife behind. It got me for some reason. We were talking in his head and I was seeing his thoughts as well as hearing him; I haven’t had to do that for some time. It was so… intimate. I usually have my reapers out on the job.” He sipped again, “The guy was just motionless there – aware. We’re always moving, you and I, and sometimes it feels like we’ve been moving for so long that we aren’t actually in motion.”

Karma understood. “I get it. But that’s what we’re here for, to collect on debts and collect on lives; it’s how the world balances. If we didn’t do this, people would live forever and souls would turn to poison; the world would crumble.”

“I feel like they do it to themselves already, with or without our guidance.” Death frowned. “They do have free will, you know. The Creator was nice enough to throw that ingredient into their evolutionary process. Like giving a toddler a pair of scissors, if you ask me.”

“Oh, you’re just bitter.” Karma let a smirk peek out the left corner of her mouth. “You’re starting to feel things, aren’t you? Is that – compassion – I smell?” From her forefinger and middle finger, she tossed a cracker across the table in his direction. It bounced off the cheese plate and landed in his lap. Death picked it up and ate it in one bite. The table suddenly felt smaller, “I do not feel compassion, that’s impossible. I pine for you every couple millenia, sure, but I do not feel for humans; if I felt for every human I would have figured out a way to kill myself by now.” Karma threw her head back and let out a singular Ha! “If you could die, a human would have figured it out by now – selfish lot, they are.”

The cheese shop was silent, as well as Death and Karma for a moment while they replenished their mouths with cheese and crackers and gulps of tea. A symphony of crunching, knife to porcelain, porcelain on porcelain, surrounded them and encased their lunch in a bubble of sound. Death got tunnel vision and realized how frighteningly beautiful Karma was, even as she picked goat cheese crumbles off her lap, returning them to her plate. Too bad it will never work out.

“You ever hear of the ‘Red Thread?’ Or the ‘Twin Flame?’” Karma looked up, still chewing, and nodded. Death took this as a cue to continue on his explanation, “The Red Thread is two people always connected at the heart.”

“But we don’t have hearts,” Karma said very matter-of-factly. She was right, of course. Her and Death were astral, ancient beings. They were made up of everything and nothing; there was no room for a heart.

“Right. So, I guess I consider you my twin flame. We’re made of the same material, both give off heat and light, but not the same purpose. One of us heats, one of us destroys, etcetera…” He trailed off as he caught himself rambling; Karma always made him ramble when she made eye contact.

Karma nodded. For the first time that afternoon, she actually agreed with what Death had to say; she liked that analogy of their relationship. “That makes sense.” She liked it when things made sense to her.

I Wish I was in Hell

“Well, since no one is answering my prayers…”

 

    Otis stood before the Peace Fountain in Manhattan. He looked over the sculpture; it really was a beautiful piece of work. If there was one thing mortals had going for them, it was art. He always found himself to be a supporter of the humanities and human expression in the form of creation, as opposed to the alternative – and seemingly favorite option – destruction.

When he first arrived to Earth by order of Satan, Otis was better known as Botis, an Earl of Hell. He was powerful, could see all things past and present, and carried the ability to reconcile friends and foes. At the start of the First War between Sumer and Elam, he was dispatched to watch over the destruction and chaos and death to ensure mankind would not eliminate themselves before Christ even showed up, no less before the Second Coming. He existed before time, after time, and in time. Botis didn’t alter fates, but sometimes found himself tipping the scales every once in a while when things got hairy, only to make them hairier. When Satan expressed his desire to have Nero, Botis took it upon himself to cause the eruption of Vesuvius in an attempt to take out the ruler, who happened to be on vacation in the neighboring city of Baiae at the time. Hell wanted him, and Botis felt it a civic duty to Hell to get him. Instead of taking down Nero however, Botis botched his job and took out thousands of lives – innocent and sinners alike. He acknowledged his failings, albeit without remorse as a demon would be, and Botis opted to sit back and wait for Karma to find Nero – and she did, when he committed suicide after being found guilty during his trials.

Botis often found himself getting messy in earthly situations despite his power in Hell, and he spent millenia trying to hone his force. Eventually, he took a passive approach to the chaos, to the time, and settled in as a civilian. He altered his appearances to maintain inconspicuousness, but never lost his gap teeth. As a viper in his true form, Botis found himself in the shape of a human with odd hair or hats to mask his horns, and always those damn gap teeth. It wasn’t as big of a deal prior to modern cosmetic dentistry, but recently he found himself overly conscious of his physical standing-out. As a touch, his scales often hid under his clothes. It’s not that he couldn’t become the full form of man, but he didn’t want to lose himself completely.

 

Botis peered up again at the peace fountain. Saint John got to reside amongst all the soft-looking woodland animals. Satan was portrayed as a creepy head underneath the fountain with crab claws. Why do we always get put with the shellfish? Bears are almost always mean; why don’t we get bears? He read the plaque, “‘…dedicated to the children of the Earth…’They don’t care anymore.” His eyes continued upwards again to the figure on the top. “Saint John was never that buff.”

Botis fingered around in his pants pocket only to find a hole and, on the other side, his scaly leg.

“Shit.”

He promptly switched sides to the other pocket as his chest cavity tightened a little. He thought to himself how he used to laugh at the idea of fear, and how he’s been on this planet way too long. Suddenly he found what he was looking for. “Thank, Satan.” Botis pulled a coin out of his pocket that originated in Lydia. It was one of the oldest known coins in the world, and he was going to use it as a direct line to talk to one of his colleagues. He turned his back, recited an incantation in Aramaic, and flipped the coin over his right shoulder into the fountain.

    A shadow was cast over the fountain of Saint John and Botis. Both began to float in space and time, a familiar ground for the demon. He saw flashes of stars and clouds and began to feel the familiar burning of his home; how he missed the fires of Hell. Space and time stopped as he shed his tattered jeans and acid punk look to reveal his true form. He came to a stop at the gates, and as they opened Botis was greeted by a less than welcoming face.

“How many of those forsaken coins do you have left? For the love of Baal…” Malik stood threateningly between the entrance of Hell and Botis. He looked down at him, tired of seeing his face so regularly over the past hundred years.

“What do you want, Botis? Or should I say, Otis?” He chuckled and it roared through the entrance of the Great Hall to the underworld.

Botis tightened his tail in a knot behind him to control his anger, “I need to get out of Earth. I need to talk to someone. No one will let me talk to Satan but, fuck, I gotta get away. I’ll even talk to Belphegor at this rate.” The angel of Hell merely scoffed at the demon’s urgent request, then sighed.

“You know why you’re there, Botis. You need to do something in your job description. Why don’t you actually use your powers? What? Afraid of causing another Vesuvius?” Botis’ eyes narrowed, and Malik took it as a cue to continue badgering him. “You oversaw the times of war and times of peace. You’re supposed to know past and future. You need to prove yourself again. Look, I’m not letting you in, because I know I won’t get you back out and I don’t feel like doing a demon hunt on your tail. Go back, figure it out.” At that point, Malik almost pitied him. Botis,, obviously defeated, turned to slither back into time and space. He knew he wouldn’t get past an angel of Hell such as Malik. As he reached the edge of space and time he paused and coiled his head around to sneer at Malik once more. “You know, Malik, you’re not even mentioned in the Bible.”

    There was a flash of light and Botis was once again standing in Manhattan before the peace fountain. Although still cold for New York, the season was attempting to roll over into Spring. He pulled at the lapels of his winter coat and cursed the snow that lingered under the fountain. Botis had to think of something, and it had to be good.

   

    He strolled past one of the president’s office buildings, Secret Service lingering among the bustling public. It was always easy to pick them out; they were overly alert. One thing Botis liked about Manhattan was that the public – locals – didn’t give a shit about anyone or anything except where they were going and how they were going to get there. He could always pick them out, because they more often than not were equipped with backpacks and headphones. They kept their heads down, hands in their pockets, and they marched along all on little personal missions. He smiled and thought how adorably flawed they were. Sometimes, Botis found himself reading their minds as they trudged past him. More often than not, they were thinking of exploration, being loved, or how to make a difference. Sure, he’d come across the occasional serial killer, but it was Earth – the melting pot of weird minds. Botis felt bad for the humans if he thought long enough about how they were all gonna die anyway, so why try to make a difference? He could see time and space. He knew past and future. They, however, only had the day in front of them – if they were lucky.

    When Botis arrived back to his apartment in the Bowery it was already night. Sure, he could have teleported himself home, but he often enjoyed the two-hour walk – reading people, blending in. He certainly didn’t miss being picked out of a crowd in Hell. Generally that meant trouble. When Botis caused Vesuvius, he got it from both sides and was grateful to be on Earth with the lava when it all happened; he threw off a lot of fates for one person that he failed to kill. Death, Karma – Heaven and Hell – all wanted a piece of him.

“Alright, now, you’re the demon. You’re the viper. You know past and present. You can bring together enemies and friends. In fact, you’ve got plenty of friends… you’ve got plenty of enemies too but hey, balance.” Botis stroked his viper chin while his cat, Gilgamesh, chuffed quietly for attention as he rubbed his face against Botis’ scales. Botis looked down fondly at Gilgamesh, the slayer of monsters and builder of walls, “I’ve gone soft, haven’t I?”

    He sat down and turned on the news. Tension. Fear. A terrible president. All the ingredients for an all-out nuclear war sat before him at the click of a remote. Of course, he lost the remote – most likely stolen by Gilgamesh – so he flicked his finger back and forth, looking for inspiration. Well, I can’t kill anyone again; they’re doing well enough already. He concluded that night that something outrageous was to be done. Some M. Night Shyamalan, plot twist ending to get him the fuck off Earth; he was ready to telecommute his work of the mortals, and had been for at least he last two millennia. Suddenly, it hit him, the seer, the reconciler.

 

    Tensions around the world continued to boil and bubble as weeks went on, and Botis waited for his time to come. He scavenged his apartment for another Lydian coin and packed in preparation to escape the planet.

He looked down to his friend at his feet, “Gilgamesh, I hope you’re ready.” The killer of monsters and builder of walls let out a soft, “mew,” and sat in one of Botis’ empty boxes. “Alright, good.”

    One April morning, Botis watched the sun come up, red and deep. It reminded him of home. Botis was ready to teleport himself to the Peace Fountain and stare Saint John in his beautiful face one last time. He clutched the coin again in his pocket to make sure he didn’t put it in the one that had a hole in it. Once the sun hit noon, Botis calmly placed his apartment keys on the kitchen counter, gathered Gilgamesh, and a small box of things that he collected over the years. He thought to himself how he would miss Earth, maybe, but the time had come. He watched in the bathroom mirror as his viper face took human form for the last time in order to get him out of his apartment building and onto the street. As he opened the door, ready to depart, his neighbor stopped him in a panic.

“Otis! Hey, man. Taking your cat to the vet? Did you see what’s happening right now?” Botis stopped. He smiled a gap tooth smile at his neighbor. He knew he was getting out of Earth.

“No, tell me.” His viper eyes lowered cooly.

“North Korea and South Korea signed a peace treaty today! How crazy is that?”